Being The Best Version of Myself at 50

At 50, I am the best version of myself ever!

I am not talking about my status in life nor the material possessions that I have acquired. Because I have nothing to boast about, but the Grace of God and His love which flows within me.

I am talking about the state of my heart when I can pray the Canticle of Mary with true conviction when she said, "My soul glorifies the Lord, My spirit rejoices in God my Savior. He looks on His servant in her lowliness". Though I'm still far from being able to say that "All generations will call me blessed", I know "He works marvels for me and holy is His name". "God calls us to be holy as He is holy." And we can only do that if we will open up ourselves to His loving Grace and allow Him to mould us.

When I stopped working as an IT professional more than a decade ago to take care of my children, I basked in God's presence! I immersed myself in His loving goodness! I built my life on a bedrock of daily devotions: 1) Praying Moments; 2) Scripture and Reflection; 3) Daily Eucharist; 4) Evangelization; 5) Trust and Service

1) Praying Moments

In the morning when I wake up, before I open my eyes, I pray these memorised prayers of Radiating Christ by Cardinal Newman, and the Prayer to the Holy Spirit which is the Secret of Sanctity and Happiness by Cardinal Mercier, and also the Prayer of Consecration to Mary

I wake my children up by running my fingers through their back and their hair, while praying with each stroke, "Lord, have mercy on Nathaniel, Ezekiel and Gabriel".

When they get up, I lead them to pray the Prayer to the Guardian Angel.

When they are about to leave home for school, I will go back to bed and lay my hand on my husband Boy's head and pray "Lord have mercy on this man whom you gave to me". Somehow, he will feel the power of God through my warm embrace and so he will wake up.

Together, we will bless our children before they leave our home for school, by tracing the sign of the cross on their forehead with Holy Water. And as we lay our hands over their head, we pray for the Lord's guidance and protection to be upon them.

I will look through our bedroom window, and wave at them. They always look up and wave back, even until now. With my one hand holding the crucifix, and the other hand in the air towards them, I continue to intercede for them until they reach the bus or train station in my own estimate. I also ask our Blessed Mother Mary and dear St Joseph, all the angels and Saints and our dearly departed to be with them and to pray for them too. I imagine my children being covered in prayers and surrounded by angels as an invisible shield to protect them from all danger and harm. I feel a sense of relief when I have lifted them to the Lord.

When Boy leaves for his work, I continue with my Morning Prayers from the Divine Office, Morning Offering and Consecration to Jesus through Mary, among others.

At 12 noon, my alarm will remind me to pray the Angelus and at 3pm the Divine Mercy Chaplet.

Every night we pray our Family Prayer and we bless our children again with Holy Water as we ask God to watch them while they sleep. We also pray the rosary together.

And the last thing I do before I close my eyes is the Night Prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours. This helps me to take stock of the day: to thank God for all the things that happened, to ask for forgiveness for the sins I have committed, to surrender everything to God and prepare for sleep. With a copy of Magnificat at my bedside I am able to achieve this. Based on the Church’s Night Prayer (Compline), it combines an examination of conscience, a psalm, a Gospel reading, a reading from a spiritual writer, the Nunc dimittis, a prayer, a blessing and the Salve Regina.

I feel God's love and peace envelope me as I go to sleep with this prayer: "Save us Lord while we are awake, protect us while sleep that we may keep watch with Christ and rest with Him in peace".

2) Scripture and Reflection

The Word of God is very powerful in my daily life. It not only gives me the strength but the inspiration to follow Him always. I keep a journal to write the Scripture that struck and touched me during my readings and reflection. And from time to time, I browse through my journal entries! They never fail to lift me up!

I also refer to my journal to search for inspiration to share with friends appropriate to their needs at a certain time.

"The Church "forcefully and specifically exhorts all the Christian faithful. . . to learn the surpassing knowledge of Jesus Christ, by frequent reading of the divine Scriptures. Ignorance of the Scriptures is ignorance of Christ." (CCC 133)

"All Scripture is God-breathed and useful for teaching, for rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." (2 Tim 3:16-17)

I read different reflection and Meditation on the readings for the day from the Magnificat and The Word Among Us and other different sources in the internet.

3) Daily Eucharist

"Thanksgiving" is the meaning of the Greek word "Eucharist". We have so much to thank God for. And what better way to give Him thanks than by receiving Him frequently.

I have developed a love for the Eucharist that I almost want to receive Jesus daily! When I don't receive His Body and Blood, I feel a sense of hunger. Whenever a friend or former colleague asks to meet up with me, I invite her first to join me for a lunchtime mass. Sometimes it is my husband, or my mother or my son who accompanies me. And it is a different feeling of holiness that I feel from attending the Sunday mass.

I always carry a card of prayer before mass and thanksgiving prayer after mass by St Thomas Aquinas. On Sundays, I give it to my children to pray before and after mass. This gives us a deeper appreciation of the Holy Body and Blood of Jesus that we just received .

I also learned that Mother Teresa prays the prayer of Radiating Christ after receiving holy communion, so I also pray it. I feel the power of Christ pouring over me as I pray this that I gain enough courage and enthusiasm to speak to others about Him without realising that I am already evangelising.

4) Evangelization

According to St Thomas Aquinas, "we should communicate the Word of God to others by recalling the Word of God to their minds; by preaching the word of God, and by enkindling hearts with love for the word of God.

I use the social media to spread the Word of God by sharing the daily readings and meditation from The Word Among to different community chat groups and to some friends.

When I go out shopping, I invite friendly salesladies to attend a Christian Life Program of the Couples for Christ Community or to join the Catechist Ministry of our Parish, or the Block Rosary in our neighbourhood..

Even at the salon when I get a haircut, I engage my hairstylist and talk to them about the church communities that I belong to. Somehow they are touched by my own stories and they are inspired to know more about the Church.

The stories we tell become a narrative of our own lives.

Evangelisation is not an easy task. Even Saints Timothy and Titus experienced rejection and discouragement, but also joy in proclaiming the triumph of the Risen Christ.

I made it a rule not to go to bed at night without making someone smile and feel God's love!

5) Trust and Service

Most importantly, considering my primary vocation and calling as a wife and mother, I serve my family by making sure that our home is a refuge for them to rest and feel the presence of Jesus Christ as King who reigns in our home.

I do everything I can to be the Capable Wife as described in Proverbs 31 .

As I always tell my sisters in Christ, give your husband and your children your best and they will take good care of you! Without holding anything back, I give Boy my all! I make him feel that he is my first priority, my number one! In return, I am forever his only one!

Likewise for my three sons, I am the Good Shepherd. My children are my sheep. I am always here for them to teach them about God and about life. When they were young I taught them to pray, to read and to write. I make them feel that I am here for them always and they can turn to me for anything. I also bake their favourite cookies, their comfort food. When they are sick I massage their head with oil and pray over them. I even give them a facial massage when they cannot sleep at night. I can see the fruits of all my sacrifices. The love of God overflows in our hearts, pressed down, shaken together and spilling over! .

I also devote my time to serve in our Parish Ministry as a Catechist.

Boy and I surrender all our worries to God and we trust in His Divine Providence through His word in Romans 8:29 "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

This wisdom from St Francis de Sales is my constant companion - "Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset."

"The Christian is someone who thinks and acts in everyday life according to God's will, someone who allows his or her life to be guided and nourished by the Holy Spirit, to be full of life, a life of true sons and daughters." - Pope Benedict XV1

I may still be far from it, but this is the closest I can get to it for now. With humility and faith it will happen. Probably in my upgraded version 5.5 or 6.0, only God knows!

Let us continue to pray for this grace to allow God's will for us to materialise so we can justly say that "All generations will call me blessed"!